recounting the moments
a quiet walk down university avenue, all alone. i felt surprisingly glad for that moment to be alone, with the cool night breeze brushing my face, so soothing, lifting my tired spirit and blowing away all my worries. all alone, but felt all chirpy and smiling with glee.
never expected so many things to happen right at the start of uni. seems like i landed on work that had piled up as i touched down at jolimont centre ( the bus terminal in canberra, cleaner version of puduraya). communication problems, undone work, complications with my study, not getting the things i need, broken promises. so much happened in two weeks that i was almost totally knocked off balance and nearly blew up. i went through what was possibly a test of tolerance and endurance.
suddenly, i felt happy that i made a decision to overload myself with work and responsibility. they say you'll never know your limits till you stretch your capabilities far and wide. and that's exactly what i intend to do this year. i'm very happy to have ran for the post of General Secretary of the International Students' Department, for that's where the real test lie. people from different nations, different social backgrounds, different expectations, different needs.... but even with a handful of committee members holding on for the entire market day, i was very pleased with our performance. not the best of standards that i would like to command, but given the resources and circumstances.. i'm happy. felt like council days all over again, but this time i yearn not to repeat my mistakes.
no more extended procrastination till my grades suffer, causing my loved ones to worry about me. this time there's really no turning back to hit the 'restart' button. there's no "next time", only 'this time'. the cost of failing is much higher now, literally and metaphorically. manage distractions and not let distractions control my thoughts.
focus.
taking a stroll alone isn't the most happening thing to do, but it was darn exciting for my body, my mind. a time of escape into your own little thoughts again. a time to 'think too much', and ponder about the times you had and possibly the times to come.
the whole ordeal of "21" being the coming of age for a young adult and the big hoo-ha about having to celebrate it in a significant way totally didn't occur to me. people usually associate 21 with independence and freedom of action. if that's the case, i had mine 5 years ago, and i'm guessing that's why my years as a 16-year old was more significant than being 21. my dear aik, too, couldn't help but agree. going to singapore to study by myself, not knowing anyone, was like turning 21. and such a sensation are only experienced once a lifetime - i had mine in advance!
5 years.... of which 4 was spent in singapore, and one more in australia. when i finish my degree in 3 years time, it'd have been two 4-year cycles in singapore and canberra respectively. sometimes i wonder where will my following 4 years be? the last 5 years held many memories, of which some i'm still confused as to whether to be happy or sad about them. i've fought and lost, earned unexpected achievements, searched and searched but still returned to where i started. that i will never forget. and that's possibly a story i'll cherish for life.
my past birthdays were also nothing short of interesting. on my 16th and 17th birthday, i sat for tests of the same subject (it's the most noteworthy memory). when i was 18, i had a group of Malaysean friends singing birthday songs for me during breakfast, and received my first personalised, handmade birthday gift. on my 19th, i ran cross-country although i was sick and nearly threw up 50m from the finishing line; my roommates pretended they forgot my birthday ( it was a surprise), and i had council-mates shouting "happy birthday" to me across the courtyard when they saw me walking to class. celebrated my 20th while staying in a farm, with 2 birthday surprises, one at the start and the other at the end of my birthday. my mentor cooked dinner for me, one of the best dinners i had in australia. and now on my 21st, i almost destroyed my own cake because my friend tricked me into helping her carry a 'heavy' box which actually has my cake in it. and i got birthday gift that i really liked, and was also hoping that someone would get a recipe book for me. walked around campus in the first few hours of my birthday, first alone, then with a friend and a few new friends. later in the day, after a talk cum lunch reception with the high commissioner, juniors at my table immediately sang a birthday song for me upon knowing it was my birthday on sunday. during the MSO first year meeting that followed right after that, a group was made to sing a song as a forfeit, and one of my fellow committee members suggested they sang a birthday song for me... and suddenly the entire population of first years were singing along and wishing me happy birthday (at least 70 juniors).
i wonder what this coming year holds. lots of work is a sure thing ( especially) with my choice of subjects. and uni wouldn't be the same if not for a close knit group of friends. will i go through the seek n surrender cycle again? would be great to be seeking, but i wish that this time i will not have to surrender what i found after all that's happened over the last few years.
happy 21st.
never expected so many things to happen right at the start of uni. seems like i landed on work that had piled up as i touched down at jolimont centre ( the bus terminal in canberra, cleaner version of puduraya). communication problems, undone work, complications with my study, not getting the things i need, broken promises. so much happened in two weeks that i was almost totally knocked off balance and nearly blew up. i went through what was possibly a test of tolerance and endurance.
suddenly, i felt happy that i made a decision to overload myself with work and responsibility. they say you'll never know your limits till you stretch your capabilities far and wide. and that's exactly what i intend to do this year. i'm very happy to have ran for the post of General Secretary of the International Students' Department, for that's where the real test lie. people from different nations, different social backgrounds, different expectations, different needs.... but even with a handful of committee members holding on for the entire market day, i was very pleased with our performance. not the best of standards that i would like to command, but given the resources and circumstances.. i'm happy. felt like council days all over again, but this time i yearn not to repeat my mistakes.
no more extended procrastination till my grades suffer, causing my loved ones to worry about me. this time there's really no turning back to hit the 'restart' button. there's no "next time", only 'this time'. the cost of failing is much higher now, literally and metaphorically. manage distractions and not let distractions control my thoughts.
focus.
taking a stroll alone isn't the most happening thing to do, but it was darn exciting for my body, my mind. a time of escape into your own little thoughts again. a time to 'think too much', and ponder about the times you had and possibly the times to come.
the whole ordeal of "21" being the coming of age for a young adult and the big hoo-ha about having to celebrate it in a significant way totally didn't occur to me. people usually associate 21 with independence and freedom of action. if that's the case, i had mine 5 years ago, and i'm guessing that's why my years as a 16-year old was more significant than being 21. my dear aik, too, couldn't help but agree. going to singapore to study by myself, not knowing anyone, was like turning 21. and such a sensation are only experienced once a lifetime - i had mine in advance!
5 years.... of which 4 was spent in singapore, and one more in australia. when i finish my degree in 3 years time, it'd have been two 4-year cycles in singapore and canberra respectively. sometimes i wonder where will my following 4 years be? the last 5 years held many memories, of which some i'm still confused as to whether to be happy or sad about them. i've fought and lost, earned unexpected achievements, searched and searched but still returned to where i started. that i will never forget. and that's possibly a story i'll cherish for life.
my past birthdays were also nothing short of interesting. on my 16th and 17th birthday, i sat for tests of the same subject (it's the most noteworthy memory). when i was 18, i had a group of Malaysean friends singing birthday songs for me during breakfast, and received my first personalised, handmade birthday gift. on my 19th, i ran cross-country although i was sick and nearly threw up 50m from the finishing line; my roommates pretended they forgot my birthday ( it was a surprise), and i had council-mates shouting "happy birthday" to me across the courtyard when they saw me walking to class. celebrated my 20th while staying in a farm, with 2 birthday surprises, one at the start and the other at the end of my birthday. my mentor cooked dinner for me, one of the best dinners i had in australia. and now on my 21st, i almost destroyed my own cake because my friend tricked me into helping her carry a 'heavy' box which actually has my cake in it. and i got birthday gift that i really liked, and was also hoping that someone would get a recipe book for me. walked around campus in the first few hours of my birthday, first alone, then with a friend and a few new friends. later in the day, after a talk cum lunch reception with the high commissioner, juniors at my table immediately sang a birthday song for me upon knowing it was my birthday on sunday. during the MSO first year meeting that followed right after that, a group was made to sing a song as a forfeit, and one of my fellow committee members suggested they sang a birthday song for me... and suddenly the entire population of first years were singing along and wishing me happy birthday (at least 70 juniors).
i wonder what this coming year holds. lots of work is a sure thing ( especially) with my choice of subjects. and uni wouldn't be the same if not for a close knit group of friends. will i go through the seek n surrender cycle again? would be great to be seeking, but i wish that this time i will not have to surrender what i found after all that's happened over the last few years.
happy 21st.
thoughts of tanoshi at 10:06 PM
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